What to do if you’re not feeling the love

If you’re not feeling the love of your husband, boyfriend or partner because they’re not stepping up and showing you that they care about you, then this article may help.

A masculine man who’s all in will show you his love for you by showing he cares about you, by cherishing you (by always looking for ways to make you happy) and for providing you with the certainty that he’s there for you and not going anywhere.

If your guy is doing none of these things, there could be several reasons why, such as:

• He’s worried or highly stressed about something going on in his life;
• He’s unwell (physically or emotionally); or
• He has become too lazy and complacent to do anything remotely loving.

I recall once being in a shopping centre and I observed an obviously masculine woman berating her husband. The poor guy’s face said it all! I can only try to imagine how miserable their life was at home! 🙁

There are of course many other reasons why he may be acting in an unloving way, but I am going to focus on the last one, because this is probably one of the biggest issue I see in relationships when working with clients or talking to friends, and the fix is actually soooo simple, but not easy to implement!

This will only work if you’re a woman who loves masculine men. If you prefer your man to have a more feminine energy this will not apply to you. There are probably other coaches out there who can help though.

Ok so here goes…

To have a masculine man in your life, you absolutely MUST be mostly in your feminine when interacting with him. The reason why this is necessary is because the relationship needs polarity in order to function in a healthy way.

The difference between being masculine and feminine

Being masculine is about being the partner who is:

• The thinker
• Action-oriented
• The decision maker
• Giving

Being feminine is about being the partner who is:

• The “feeler” (one who feels emotions)
• The expresser (I think this is code for “the talker”!)
• Sensual
• The receiver

Which energy you choose to be is completely up to you, but if you want to be the masculine partner, it’s never going to work if he’s masculine too, and things could go a number of ways:

1. He’ll butt heads with you (in my case he became emotionally and verbally abusive in order to maintain his “dominant male” position)
2. He’ll shift into the feminine energy partner (again this happened for me in another relationship and I constantly felt resentful)
3. He’ll completely shut down.

None of these outcomes are good, so again, if you want to be the more masuline partner, you’d better be sure he’s happy being the more feminine energy partner!

And here’s the thing – YOU get to choose which energy you want to go into the relationship with!

Let’s go with you choosing to be the feminine energy partner

Most of us women think we’re already feminine and most of us are attracted to masculine men, so for the purpose of this article, I will focus on women wanting a masculine energy partner ok?

If your man is pulling back from you, unless something else is going on, it is most likely being caused by a lack of polarity in your relationship.

The good news about this is that you have complete control over your part in this, and sometimes, without any knowledge about what you’re doing, he will magically shift back into that masculine, caring, cherishing role that caused you to fall in love with him in the first place!

What could be going wrong

If you have chosen to be the feminine energy partner in your relationship, but you continually act in a masculine energy way, we completely deprive our partner with the ability and pleasure of being the “man” in the relationship.

By being in our masculine, always doing, always planning, go go go all the time, never just “being”, we make it unrewarding for a man to act like a man and cherish you! Instead he becomes lazy and complacent, taking you for granted, and even feeling “turned off” without knowing exactly why that is.

What happens is that he just shuts down and stops trying to make us happy, he hands everything over to us, and he lets us do everything.

We then feel resentful too, and we wonder why he never takes us out for dinner anymore or why we never feel special or truly cared for and cherished anymore.

Well… it’s because we’ve taken over his job and he can no longer be bothered doing any of it!

What’s freaky about it is that he doesn’t even know why he’s doing this!

So how do we fix it?

Fixing this problem is simple but it’s not easy, and I am going to attempt to give you some things to try!

Remember it’s all about baby steps – any move in the right direction, no matter how small, are good moves!

1. Decide if your partner is is worth your commitment to him. If you don’t think so, then we need to have another conversation and you might as well stop reading now.
2. Stop doing everything! And if he washes the dishes and doesn’t do it right, so what? Will that matter in five years?? NO! If he doesn’t take the garbage out, will that really matter in five years? NO!
3. Allow him to give to you. Allow yourselve to receive from him and from others.
4. Stop planning things unless he asks you to. Now you’re all about “being”.
5. Pamper yourself sometimes – take time out to just be.
6. Let go of control – this is about trying to change something or someone else. it’s about not criticising him, judging him, warning him or begging/coaxing him to do something. Let that sh*t go! You have to accept him and his decisions 100% or not at all. This is a biggie! If any of his “flaws” are deal breakers for you, again we have a different conversation ahead.
7. Stop pushing your perspectives onto him or anyone else.
8. Drop all expectations you have of him. Have standards about how you wish to be treated, but drop those expectations completely.
9. Show your man appreciation for every little tiny thing he does for you. A genuine thank you goes a long way!
10. Learn to take no for an answer. If he doesn’t want to visit your mother with you, accept his answer. Do not nag, whinge or push him to change his mind. Thank him for his honesty about not wanting to go, and go there yourself without him.

I could write about this all day, but I think you’re starting to get the gist of what I’m going on about here, but if your relationship isn’t too “toxic” and you make these changes, maybe one at a time, you’re going to begin to see some positive changes!