We all say we want to heal, grow, or change. Then some hidden part of us yells, “But wait! What if things get worse?” That is what we call secondary gain. It is the subconscious, ridiculous but weirdly logical reason why you might cling to your problem like it is your favourite childhood teddy bear.
What on Earth is Secondary Gain?
Imagine asking a client, “What is the worst thing that could happen if you healed?” and hearing, “My parents will die.” Yes, that actually happened with one of my own clients. A secondary gain is the hidden perk of staying stuck. You want freedom, but your subconscious mutters, “No thanks, I am comfy here.”
Common Examples (Brace Yourself)
- Want a relationship? Secondary gain: But I will lose my freedom
- Want a booming business? Secondary gain: Too many clients, too little Netflix time
- Want to lose weight? Secondary gain: People will notice me, and I do not want that
- Want more money? Secondary gain: Somebody will take my money
- Want a new job? Secondary gain: I might like the next job even less
Ridiculous? Yes. Real? Absolutely.
The Moment of Realisation
When people uncover their secondary gain, they usually react like someone caught red-handed at midnight with a spoon in the Nutella jar. Shock. Laughter. Denial. Sometimes all three.
How to Spot Your Secondary Gain
It’s quite simple. Ask yourself, “What is the worst thing that could happen if this problem disappeared?”
Take the very first answer that pops up. No analysing. No overthinking. That is your subconscious talking.
How to Deal with It
- Understand it. Ask why it is there. Sometimes it is obvious, sometimes it is buried deeper than the last biscuit in the tin.
- Locate it. Notice where in the body the belief is sitting. Often it lines up with a chakra. For example:
- Root: security and safety
- Sacral: creativity and pleasure
- Solar Plexus: self-esteem and power
- Heart: relationships and compassion
- Throat: expression and truth
- Third Eye: intuition and intellect
- Crown: connection and awareness
- Identify its shape and colour. Is it round? Is it square? Is it oddly shaped? And what colour is it? It could be black, grey, or it could even match the colour of a chakra. Whatever it is, go with it.
- Send it healing. Imagine you are receiving healing light from above, as well as healing energy from the earth. Both are streaming into your body, gathering at the site of this belief that has been causing you to keep what you want at bay. Keep going until the little blob of coloured energy dissolves.
- Reframe it. Recognise the belief is often old baggage from childhood or even past lives. Logically, you know it is ridiculous. Treat it like that friend who insists cargo shorts are still cool. Nod politely, then move on.
The Takeaway
Secondary gains are annoying, surprising, and often hilariously absurd. Once you drag them into the light, you get to choose whether they still get a seat at the table of your life.