Lesson 12 – A meaningless world

Today’s A Course In Miracles lesson, according to Pam Grout, could be called “I get whatever I focus upon”. This is much easier to get my head around than “I am upset because I see a meaningless world”!

Again we are reminded that we apply a meaning to a situation which in reality is actually meaningless – so we are creating what we focus on instead!

Here’s what the Course suggests

The Course suggests we look around us and repeat words similar to this:

I think I see a fearful world, a dangerous world, a hostile world, a sad world, a wicked world, a crazy world (replace these words with your own if you wish), but I am upset because I see a meaningless world.

What this is saying is that we are applying a meaning (such as fearful, dangerous, hostile etc) to a situation. But we are upset by this because what we’re actually looking at is meaningless – and thanks to where our focus is, that’s what we’re creating!

Oh boy…

How to apply this to a specific situation

Let’s say you’re single and using the exercise above, you could start off with “I think I see a world without any decent single men who are open to commitment…”.

Because you’re focused on your belief (which is the meaning you have applied to your situation) that there are no decent single men who are open to commitment, that’s exactly what you’ve created for yourself – and now you’re upset because that’s your made-up reality!

I can hear all of the amazing and beautiful single women around the world protesting at me right now, and I want you to know that once upon a time I was in your shoes, and it was a frustrating place to be, but there is a way out!

What if you decided to shift the meaning you have applied to your situation? What if there are many decent single men out there who are open to commitment, but you’ve just not met him yet? Or maybe he’s riding a snail, so he’s taking longer than expected to get to you?? Or maybe the perfect man for you is out there, but he is currently working on himself so he can be the best man he can be when you finally meet? 

The last example is exactly what I ended up with! My beautiful husband had been through hell, and he had taken six years to work through the trauma of his former marriage, and getting himself back, before he felt ready to date again. 

Only a few weeks before we met did he decide he was ready to date again, then voila! Our meeting was set up by his ex wife (LONG story – but I always had this feeling we’d meet in a weird way!), and the rest is history!

What do I do now?

Alright, so he’s not here yet, so what do you do in the meantime? Here are a few suggestions, and I did all of these!

1. Write down your relationship goal in present tense. It doesn’t even have to be really specific – it just needs to be written. Here’s what I wrote: “I am in a loving relationship with the perfect man for me”. Read it back to yourself, and remind yourself of this once a day. In between times, let it go – just know he’s coming!
2. Make a commitment to nurture your friendships. Catch up with the girls, chat to friends you’ve not seen in a while. Connect with those that you love.
3. Take care of your health. Exercise regularly and commit to cleaning up your eating habits. You want to be in the best shape of your life when your fella appears!
4. Be open to dating anyone that does not repulse/scare you (trust your gut here). You are not using dating as a “hunting ground”. It’s a “training ground”! So go on dates (in public places), and do so with the intention of learning something interesting about somebody. Your intentions should not go beyond that – never wonder if this is the love of your life and start to visualise your walk down the aisle! Stay present and focus on learning something interesting – that’s it!! And remember – safety first!!!
5. Work on coming to a place of forgiveness for every single ex you ever had. This can be tough, especially if he was an asshole, but you will benefit greatly in looking for the lessons he taught you. If he was in your life to show you what you DON’T want, then that is a wonderful lesson and it will help you to avoid people like that in future. No matter how small those lessons are, they helped you to become who you are, and if you allow the bitterness of your past hurts to stay, you will not attract what you want! This is really important!

I will leave you with this little list, which is a fraction of what you can do to “get whatever (you) focus on”, but they are a start.

This isn’t about running the marathon in five minutes – it’s about building up your “focus fitness” to a point that you now truly believe that what you want is coming to you and you no longer see the world as bleak or scary.

If you’re wanting help in improving any aspect of your life, please be sure to reach out.