Interview with International Love Catalyst & Relationship Coach, Tracie Sage

Below you will see a transcript of my interview with the lovely and amazing Tracie Sage! The video version of this will appear below this post later today. Enjoy!

Interview

Michelle Douglas: Hi, everyone! It’s Michelle Douglas here, and today I am interviewing the lovely Tracie Sage. Tracie’s an International Love Catalyst and Relationship Coach, and the author of “The Missing Manual to Love, Marriage, and Intimacy.” Tracie has helped hundreds of individuals and couples to radically improve their most intimate relationships. As a speaker and a coach with finely honed intuitive skills and the clarity to spot unconscious, destructive patterns, Tracie’s dynamic coaching has moved people around the globe to create deeply nourishing love and intimacy. So, welcome Tracie.

Tracie Sage: Thank you.

Michelle Douglas: Alright, so can you tell us a little bit about your background and how you became a relationship coach?

Tracie Sage: Well, it started when I was 2 years old, so I remember the moment when I was standing in my grandmother’s apartment, and she and my mother were arguing, as they often did. They were really mean to each other, and I knew they really loved each other, and I knew that there was a better way, and that it was for me to find out, for me to discover. So, you know, my child-heart desire was for my grandmother and my mother to have the sweet connection that I knew was possible for them. And so I began studying relationships from that moment on.

Michelle Douglas: Wow.

Tracie Sage: And when I was 5, I was already sharing. My grandmother told me much later that I shared relationship advice with them when I was 5 years old. I became the go-to person for my grandmother and my family. And I remember also, when I was 5 years old, that I was really popular in kindergarten. All the kids wanted to be around me and were very interested in, you know, if I liked their pictures. They just wanted to be near me. My mom told me that the teachers always said that I was the one who comforted the other kids and was the conflict resolution person.

Michelle Douglas: Wow.

Tracie Sage: So, I started at a very young age.

Michelle Douglas: But what inspired you, then, to specialize in intimate relationships?

Tracie Sage: Intimate relationships? Well, intimacy to me is really about connection and closeness. And that’s exactly what I was going for. That’s what I knew that my mother and my grandmother could have. And so, I just love that feeling of being close and connected. And I love being around people who feel close and connected. So intimacy is really something that we can cultivate in all our closest connections, right?

Michelle Douglas: Absolutely.

Tracie Sage: Yeah.

Michelle Douglas: Okay, so can you share a success story where your coaching made a significant impact on a couple’s relationship? Everyone loves these sorts of stories.

Tracie Sage: Oh, yeah, I have a bunch of them. Let’s see which one I share. One of the things that happens all the time and really lights up my heart, like really fills me with a sense of fulfillment and joy, is that I help a lot of couples who are on the verge of breakup or divorce, and help them turn it around. So, I’ll give you an example. I had one woman who called me and contacted me, and she said, “My husband just told me that he wants a divorce.” Can you help me?

Michelle Douglas: So she’s in the midst of a crisis at that point, obviously.

Tracie Sage: Totally. I mean, he’s just told her that he wants a divorce and they have a child. So, I talked to her, and I said, “Well, if he’s open to it, you know, if he’s open to doing some coaching with me, then yes, let’s do that.” So, this is during the pandemic. And so, it was my first Zoom coaching. Normally, I see couples in person, in retreats. And now I do Zoom as an option because I found out that it works just as well. First session, they come together. It was amazing. We did the first session. We checked in to see what was in their way. I was able to see what was causing the problems. I was able to give them some tools. By the second session, they were fully on board. Then their next conflict issue was that they were buying a house. So they went from getting a divorce to buying a house, and then they were having conflicts with that. I helped them through that. By the next session, they had been able to find a house that they both agreed on and bought it. Dramatic changes were happening each session. It was just by helping them, giving them the tools. They loved each other. They even liked each other, right? They just didn’t have the relationship tools that most of us didn’t get.

Michelle Douglas: Okay, and I’m really curious about the intuitive aspect of what you do. When you’ve got a couple in front of you, are you tapping into your intuition at all? You know the sort of work I do. I’m really fascinated by that aspect. People who work with their intuition, it’s awesome. Can you explain what happens from an intuitive perspective when you’ve got a couple such as these people in front of you?

Tracie Sage: Totally. I always read bodies and energies. So, I’m getting much more information than just what they’re saying.

Michelle Douglas: Yeah.

Tracie Sage: I’m reading their bodies, their energies. I can pick up what’s really going on underneath. That’s part of why I’m able to tap into the energetic dynamics between the two and the patterns that are likely there, even before I’ve seen all the patterns. Does that make sense?

Michelle Douglas: Yeah, definitely. That’s interesting.

Tracie Sage: And then, the other thing is that as I’m working with a couple, I have an incredible basket of tools that I can give them that are known to me. Sometimes I’ll be working with a couple, and I will be guided to do a certain thing that I’ve never done before. It’s really amazing because in the beginning, I used to be really nervous when this would happen. I would do it anyway, and it inevitably is the thing that is the big breakthrough thing. When I’m working with individuals, it’s the thing that the next session they’ll say, “That thing we did, that was amazing.” Or, with the couples, it’s the thing that shifts them. So, I definitely listen to my intuition and inner guidance, for sure.

Michelle Douglas: Awesome. Now, I know you’re really big on communication, having known you for a little while. Can you tell me what role communication plays in maintaining a healthy relationship, and how couples can improve that aspect of their relationship?

Tracie Sage: Yeah, so how we communicate, and for me, communication is much more than just the words. How we communicate can either communicate love, it can connect us more deeply, or it can create distance. So it really makes a difference how we communicate. One of the biggest things is learning to listen. Listen beyond the words. Be curious. Express curiosity. When your partner’s telling you something, or if you’re single and you’re on a date, be curious. Be interested. Especially with couples who’ve been together for a long time. They think they know each other, and that’s a big mistake, because we are always growing and evolving. So, being curious, pretend you don’t know each other at all.

Michelle Douglas: Wow, that could be quite interesting. Might try that with Laurie later.

Tracie Sage: Yeah, give it a try.

Michelle Douglas: Okay, what happens.

Tracie Sage: It could be really fun.

Michelle Douglas: Absolutely. That’s a really good one. I like it. So, in the realm of communication, what are some effective strategies for resolving conflicts in a relationship?

Tracie Sage: Yeah, so I have a whole process that’s in my book called the Co-Creative Solutions Process, and it’s really wonderful for resolving conflicts. Basically, the basis is founded in good listening. What I’ll say is that coming to the conflict from the place of no one needs to compromise or sacrifice, and that we’re committing to co-creating a solution that works for both of you.

Michelle Douglas: You and I are on the same page about that. We talked about that about a week ago, didn’t we?

Tracie Sage: Yeah, totally. That piece is huge, because most people think someone has to compromise, and because of that, they don’t really even want to talk about it. This is what prevents couples from addressing issues because they don’t want to be the one to compromise. So, they don’t talk about it at all.

Michelle Douglas: That’s a really different way of looking at it. I like it. I like it.

Michelle Douglas: Alright, Tracie, now you’ve written an amazing book called “The Missing Manual to Love, Marriage, and Intimacy,” and it’s a proactive approach, a proactive path to happily ever after. Can you tell us a bit about your book and what readers can expect to learn from it?

Tracie Sage: Sure. I would say that my book is a manual. It’s meant to be used like a manual. I wrote it because we didn’t get, you know, it’s like the manual we didn’t get when we were born. We didn’t get it in school. And we didn’t have great role models. So, I included in there all the things that I think are really

essential for having healthy, connected relationships. It’s filled with great tools. It talks about happily ever after and how that’s something that is not what you see in the movies, but something that we create. It’s about creating our relationship in the way that we want it to be, that works for both of us.

Michelle Douglas: Nice.

Tracie Sage: So, it’s a very different approach to happily ever after. I have a chapter that talks about that. I have a chapter that talks about the four gates to love, and it’s very much about the key essential pieces. I have one that talks about the destructive habits that are really common and are breaking people apart, and how to turn them around. It’s actually really simple if you know what the destructive patterns are. It’s just that most of us do them and don’t even know.

Michelle Douglas: That’s it.

Tracie Sage: And don’t understand why our relationship is suffering. It’s these really common patterns. I talk about that. I talk about how to be ready, how to attract your partner, and get ready for that relationship. I talk about self-love because loving yourself is really important.

Michelle Douglas: Absolutely agree with that.

Tracie Sage: The common questions that men have given to me about the common issues that they have struggled with with women. I have a whole chapter on strategies for addressing those issues.

Michelle Douglas: And what I also like about this is, I think it’s every chapter, you’ve got questions to ask. These questions are usually self-reflection type questions, aren’t they? And then you offer a tool to practice and use and actually apply in your life. Like I say in my regular podcast and even when working with a client, try it and see if it works. Watch for the feedback and see what happens when you implement one of these tools. This book is absolutely something I would suggest to all of my listeners, and even my clients who are dealing with relationship problems or lack of, because it arms you with a whole bunch of tools that I probably wouldn’t even share myself, because Tracie is the expert in that side of it. She’s written the manual.

Michelle Douglas: Tracie, beyond the book, how can people work with you? How can they find you?

Tracie Sage: Well, I offer coaching, and I work with couples and individuals. Sometimes in a couple, there’s one person who’s ready to do the work and the other isn’t. So, I’ll work with an individual. I also work with men and women who have just not been able to find the partner or have struggled with relationships that just aren’t lasting or aren’t working. I actually offer a romance audit session, which is a complimentary session that you can get. You can book a call with me, and we can do the romance audit and see if we’re a match to work together. Then I’ll invite you to do some coaching with me.

Michelle Douglas: Yeah, and I’ll put the link for that in the show notes as well.

Michelle Douglas: Now, Tracie, I believe you have a retreat coming up. Can you tell us about that?

Tracie Sage: I do, and I’d love to say that my retreats are yoga retreats. But to me, yoga is foundational. It gives a lot of the foundational practices that allow us to be at our best and to have better relationships with ourselves and each other.

Michelle Douglas: Also, you can show up as your best self, right?

Tracie Sage: Yeah, and yoga for me, it definitely has improved my relationships. I would say that when I started yoga, I realized that it just softened my edges, you know? I realized that in my nearest and dearest relationships, they loved me so much, and I loved them so much. There was a sense of them looking for my approval and disapproval, and I was very willing to give it. I realized that through my yoga practice. It was transformational. Anyway, my yoga retreats are transformational. The next one I have coming up is in January in Mexico.

Michelle Douglas: January 2025?

Tracie Sage: Yes.

Michelle Douglas: Yeah.

Tracie Sage: January 2025. It’s in Mexico, and it’s in a magical place. I always give a lot of tools and support, and I always teach to the people that are there and what their needs are. Again, I address what’s there. This is in a magical place that’s like living in a treehouse for a week.

Michelle Douglas: Nice. Sounds amazing.

Tracie Sage: It’s just south of Puerto Vallarta.

Michelle Douglas: Beautiful. Well, thank you very much for your time, Tracie, and sharing about you today. Again, I will put the links to how to book the romance audit, which is a freebie. I’ll put the link in there for you. I’ll also post a link to the retreat as well, and I’ll share the details of the book as well if you’re interested in purchasing that to start your journey down that relationship road to the happily ever after sort of line.

Tracie Sage: Your own love story.

Michelle Douglas: Your own love story theme. Thanks again, Tracie, and everyone else, I will see you tomorrow for Wacky Wednesday. See you then.

Book your free Romance Audit with Tracie

More information on the retreat with Tracie in Mexico

Tracie’s book, The Missing Manual to Love, Marriage and Intimacy, can be found on Amazon!

Align With Love