How dropping your expectations can improve your life

The other day I was talking to my husband about a strained relationship he had with a family member. As I listened to him speak about a particular interaction he’d had with her, I was thinking how interesting this was.

You see, he had several expectations of her that she was not meeting. I could also see from what he was saying that she had several expectations of him that he wasn’t meeting!

The outcome was that their relationship was strained because both believed the other wasn’t “pulling their weight”, so to speak.

So I asked him, “What would happen if you dropped all expectations you had of her?”

It makes you think, huh?

I remember back to my single days. I learned through my relationship coach that having expectations of a guy will often doom you to failure! If you expect some dude to text you back within X number of hours and he doesn’t, you will find yourself wondering if he’s interested at all, or whether he’s with somebody else, and the list goes on.

So I learned to keep my standards high but my expectations low.

What happened was incredible!

My personal demeanour changed. I was more relaxed, calm, and less bothered about what a man did or didn’t do. In fact, I really didn’t care if a guy called me (or not), because I didn’t expect him to!

When I met my gorgeous husband Laurie, he was pleasantly surprised to learn how things were with me. He felt NO pressure to act a certain way, or to reach out by a certain time, or to do any certain things. He picked up in my energy that I had absolutely no expectations of him at all, and it felt AMAZING!

From my perspective, I was observing. We were “new”, so I was observing how he treated me, I was observing our personal interactions, and I was observing how I felt about him and about the potential of “us”. And it all felt good.

He wasn’t blowing up my phone and that’s ok – I am a busy woman and I don’t have time to be speaking on the phone or texting for hours on end.

He loved that I wasn’t blowing up his phone – in fact, his ex wife called and texted him a LOT more than I did! Dating me was refreshing after the hell of his former marriage!

So what’s my point here? How can dropping your expectations improve your life?

If I had expected Laurie to call me or text me X number of times per day, we would probably not be together. He didn’t call or text me every single day, so is that it then?? It all seems quite trivial when you think about it, but at the time, he would have felt the energetic pressure from me to perform in a certain way.

After the trauma of his former marriage, he’d likely run a mile – he was now very clear on what he does not want!

From my perspective, if I’d had certain expectations of him, the stress would have driven me up the wall, and I’d be questioning why he wasn’t calling or texting, or acting in a certain way!

It all feels so exhausting!

So what if you were to keep your standards high (that’s important), but to drop all expectations you have of others? How would your life look like then?

For Laurie and I, because neither of us had expectations of the other, our budding relationship felt easy! In fact, at the two month mark he got the “speed wobbles” as he calls it, because everything felt too good to be true! He wondered if he was looking at me and at our relationship through rose-coloured glasses and that it was all going to come crashing down!

Thankfully he had some good friends around him who talked him off the ledge, and we became stronger than ever and remain strong and madly in love to this day! PHEW!

So that’s how dropping our expectations had improved our lives!

How to drop your expectations of others

Dropping your expectations of others is not exactly the easiest thing you’re ever going to do, and it’s a process. But once you get used to this new way of being, it becomes second nature.

Maybe try dropping your expectations about somebody, a little bit at a time.

First, drop the expectations that somebody should call/text by a certain time, or drop the expectation that your kids will clean their room without any prompting from you (like that’s ever going to happen!). 😀

Start with things that don’t really matter in the big scheme of things, and gradually work up from there.

And then, begin to notice how this is changing things for you. At first you may actually feel more stressed, because you’re changing from the way you’ve been in the past, but stick with it and eventually you’ll notice your stress levels have decreased significantly!

Next, you’ll notice that people will want to be around you more because you’re no longer sending out this dense, heavy, energy of expectation!

And finally, you will notice that life feels a little bit easier, and that’s one of the most wonderful benefits of dropping expectations!

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